Another road block

Breastfeeding is probably one of the hardest things I've done in my life. Since Aaron had been living in the NICU, it was frustrated to truly breastfeed.  I started exclusively pumping 7-8 times a day to establish my milk supply.  It's tough for me to make enough milk to meet Aaron's supply as I didn't get enough rest and nutritious food right after delivery; hence, we have been supplementing with formula starting in the NICU.  I was discharged from the hospital 2 days after delivery, but I went back to the NICU everyday to see Aaron until we could bring him home. We rented a Medela symphony pump from the hospital for a week while waiting for the pump from Angie to arrive. 

No one warned me that exclusive pumping can be that much work.  Not only I have to feed Aaron every 3 hours, but I also have to pump for 30 minutes.  All the bottles and pump parts are a pain to wash. The cycle seems to never end when I am done with all the pumping and cleaning, it's time to feed again.  Nevertheless, I still believe all these work are worth it as long as the breastmilk is best for Aaron.

There are so many hoops to jump through with breastfeeding as we figured Aaron has acid reflux and is possibly allergic to milk proteins.  The pediatrician suggested to change Aaron's formula as well as eliminate all the dairy and food that might have caused acid reflux from my diet.  Okay, I thought no big deal.  If I could survive without eating the food I like during pregnancy, this shouldn't be too much of a difference.  Little did I know that dairy products do not only mean milk, it includes all kinds of things like cheese, yogurt, ice cream, and any products that contains whey (which is everything!).  Bread, chicken powder, crackers, snacks, candies, you name it and they all contain whey.  In addition, most babies are allergic to dairy are also likely to be allergic to soy and wheat.  What is worst is that I also have to avoid acidic food like tomatoes, oranges, vinegar, almonds, which means I basically cannot eat anything but plain rice. 

If eating a strict diet is not bad enough, sore and cracked nipples definitely can top the list.  I have been having sore nipples since day 1, but they started cracking a couple weeks ago and I have no idea why.  It's almost impossible for them to heal, as I have to keep pumping every 3 hours.  I tried to let them air dry and put lanolin on them, but it doesn't seem to help at all.  They got really bad a few days ago that I had to stop pumping and hand express the milk.  It is truly a lose-lose situation because if I keep pumping then my nipples will never get time to rest and heal, but if I don't pump then I am at risk of getting mastitis.  I started hand expressing the milk every 3-4 hours, as it hurts my hands after a few squeeze.  I could never empty my breasts enough and they were engorged all the time.  I remember one day I woke up crying because my breasts hurt so bad and milk was leaking everywhere.  After hand expressing for a couple days to let my breasts rest, my supply had been significantly compromised. 

I would love to be able to keep expressing milk for Aaron until at least he's 6 months old, but now I am struggling with cracked nipples again and low supply.  Many people have been telling me to quit expressing milk, as Aaron takes the formula okay.  It's tough to quit so soon when I am such a perfectionist that I want him to have the best.  I know having a little breastmilk is still better than having none, and hopefully that would give me enough motivation to keep going despite of all the obstacles I have encountered.

Loss of a family member

Elmo left us this morning after losing the battle to stomach cancer. He had been a good kitty and I have always felt so guilty that he had to be locked up in a room due to my allergy. I have never imagined how sad I would be even though he's not my kitty. I thought Elmo would live for another few years and play with Aaron.

I guess we would just have to accept that Elmo is at a better place now that he doesn't have to suffer any pain. I know he has gone back to Jesus and restore to his health. I believe we will see each other again in heaven some day. I can't help but feel sad because we miss him and want him to be around.  I can't quite comprehend the meaning of life and death, nor I ever will. I keep asking myself the same question that why does God have to take away our beloved ones?

I still remember the days we were living together in Bloomington and Findlay. We had the best times together when I could walk him in our backyard and let him lay in the sun. It just makes me sad whenever I look at pictures of him. I am terrible with goodbyes and I could not stop crying when I saw him dying in front of my eyes. I hope he's enjoying his eternity at the rainbow bridge and look forward to seeing him again.

Elmo, I want to let you know that I love you and you will always be missed.

Switching to new bottles

We have been trying different bottles since we brought Aaron home from the NICU. Aaron is such a good baby and doesn't seem to mind the different nipples on the bottles. It seems like he likes the nipples on the Momma bottles and the Similac disposable nipples the most.  He's really not a picky baby as I have heard that many parents keep trying to find the bottles their babies like.

As Aaron has been able to take more milk (sometimes 5-6oz a feeding), we have to switch to bigger bottles with faster flow nipples. We decided not to go with the bigger Momma bottles as they are a pain to warm the milk with the bottle warmer. I changed all his bottles to Dr. Brown's in hope that will help with Aaron's gas and colic issues, even though there are a million pieces to clean with these new bottles. So far, Aaron seems to be okay with the new nipples and take them just fine.

This is what happened after switching to the new bottles

101 days

Nana reminded mommy that she needs to write down every little funny things baby Aaron does before she forgets.  It's true that the past 100 days blew by so fast and many things seem like a blur already.  I guess mommy cannot be lazy and have to keep writing baby Aaron's journal. 

Aaron has been off Zantac for 2 full days.  He hasn't been fighting the bottle quite as much as before he was on the medicine, but hiccups are back.  We have seen him having hiccups after every other meal today.  I hope it's not his reflux coming back, as it has been so stressful for both me and Aaron that we have to battle the feedings all day long.

It looks like we are getting Aaron to a better schedule this week. He kind of starting to sleep through the night (from 11pm to ~4/5am).  He stays asleep after daddy puts the blinky back in him till about 6-6:30.  He then gets a bottle and nana will watch and play with him before his morning nap. We are able to take a walk in the morning this week with nana's help, which is great for mommy and Aaron to stay sane. We both have been trapped in the house alone after por por and gung gung left. :(

We didn't get to do the hand and foot prints yesterday because Aaron got fussy after daddy got home. We will try it again today and see how it goes. Hopefully we won't have a cranky baby tonight and get to do something fun together with nana.