So defeated

Another long day of being a SAHM. I keep asking myself if I am still suitable to stay at home full time anymore when my emotions are so unstable 90% of the time. I simply can't control my emotions whenever Aaron is acting up, which seems to happen every meal. I am at a loss of what to do as a parent as there is no one teaching/guiding me through this process. I often question myself if I am doing the right thing after punishing him. Am I being too strict with him? I feel like I need to get away from him so that I can get myself back together.

We started training Aaron to eat by himself this week as he has been fed by me all his life. He's definitely old enough to be able to feed himself, but recently he has been more dependent on me than ever. I started noticing kids his age are all feeding themselves and eating so well. I believe Aaron can do the same if I give him the chance to do it himself.  I think I am more frustrated than ever since I started the "training".  It's tough to watch him eat a few spoons and stop eating altogether after 30 minutes. I admit that I am not the most patient person in the world, but let's be honest that toddlers all have a tight schedule. It's not like we can take two hours to eat and skip all the activities. Hence, I took away his food after 45 minutes as the pediatrician suggested. I purposely did not give him any fruits or snacks at school afterward to teach him a lesson.  He was quite whiny at school when it came to snack time watching other kids eating happily.

After we got home he didn't even nap but played in his crib for 3 hours until dinner time. He finished his milk pretty quickly and seemed more hungry than usual. Or was it just because he got yelled at by me earlier? He ate dinner a little better than his lunch, but I guess it will take some time to correct his behavior. I wish this terrible 2 phase would be over soon because I am not sure how long can I stay sane battling with my own son that I love so dearly.

Eating kabab by himself awhile ago